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Yoga Wisdom from Bikram "The Don" Choudhury

People come to me think yoga is relax. They think little flower, little ting sound, some chanting, hanging crystal... No! Not for you! Waste of time! Here I chop off your dick and play Ping-Pong with your balls. You know Ping-Pong? That is yoga!

I drive my car down Highway 10, to Palm Springs, then I take a left turn, onto Highway 15, towards Las Vegas, and when I am past Death Valley, in sixth gear, and the engine is producing 750hp and the speed­ometer is going from 380 to 400kph, then you are driving a Lamborghini! That’s called life, you idiot!

Reagan was so stupid. It was amazing this man could ever be president. He said to me, “What’s wrong, Bikram: 33 years and she never listens to me, my Patti? She hates her father so much she doesn’t call herself Patti Reagan but Patti Davis, her mother’s name?” I said, “Mr President, you raised her a bitch. I’m a guru, I make her a human being, I make her a woman, I make her a daughter, I make her a girl, I make her a lady.”

I’m not dressed like a guru am I? I dress like a gangster. Like Robert De Niro. I am more westernised than any western man you have ever met.

Don't get married. Don’t even take a chance. If you make water like this and get married, your marriage will not last three weeks. You should not learn yoga, learn how to cook! You know why women get divorced in America? Why you guys get divorced in the western world and, in India, no divorce? From 10 years old, mothers teach their daughters how to cook. You are the lousiest cooks in the world.

Did you pay to come here and listen to me? Wow! I am lucky. I go shopping tomorrow!

An Iyengar class looks like a Santa Monica sex shop with all those props.

They make so many stupid things in America.

I'm in show biz. I entertain people. Why do you want to pay money to go to a hot room and torture yourself?

We are a totally fucked up society.

What happens when they say they will commit suicide unless you sleep with them? What am I supposed to do? Sometimes having an affair is the only way to save someone’s life.

What are they eating for breakfast on Jupiter?

The whole Bikram class is one big brainwashing session.

I have balls like atom bombs, two of them, 100 megatons each.

Nobody fucks with me.

‎Nothing bothers me,I'm bullet proof, waterproof, wind proof, money proof, sex proof, emotion proof, stress proof, strength proof.

Indian yogi's are old-fashioned, conservative, prejudicial people. You have to look like yogi, talk like yogi, have a beard like yogi.

America’s biggest problem is too much freedom.

Western people can’t meditate. In India people really can’t meditate either.

When in Rome, I must do as the Romans do. When in America, copyright and trademark.

I'm feeling sleepy, because I haven't gone shopping for a long time.... I haven't bought a car for two years—no, I bought a car last month, the fancy new Chrysler.

I should be the most honored man in your country.

Don't throw up on the carpet. It's new.

Why are your legs spread? Women should not spread their legs any time, anywhere! Only in emergencies.

Downward Facing Dog? That’s not yoga. That’s American circus.

I control my kingdom like a gangster. It’s the only way it works. In America your biggest problem is you have a second choice. So you have an abuse of choices and too much freedom. It’s like a loaded gun in a kid’s hand

How many Rolls-Royce do I own? I don’t know. 35? I give every staff member of mine a car, something like a Jeep Cherokee. I have 17 vans.

I'm a product of Beverly Hills

American Yoga teachers are clowns. Circus clowns. They completely fucked yoga. They crucified hatha yoga in America. There is no yoga called kundalini, power, vinyasa, dog yoga.

Who the fuck is this YogaDawg? He's the only guru in America besides me who is not a joke.

White Hat Don: I should be the most honored man in your country.

Black Hat Don: Nobody fucks with me.

YogaDawg Don: Hi







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