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Abbott and Costello Yoga Reboot

 

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to Los Angeles to work in a yoga studio. You know Jennie-Ji, the SuperDuperBlissInducer Yoga studio owner? Well, she said I could manage the studio.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're going to be the manager of a yoga studio, you must know the teachers and what they teach.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met these yoga teachers. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's teaches what style of yoga.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me that these yogis have very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, ...like Shiva Rae.

Costello: And Baron.

Abbott... Baron Baptiste?

Costello: And that other one called Dawg.

Abbott: Dawg?

Costello: YogaDawg?

Abbott: Yeah, YogaDawg! Well, let's see, we have these teschers who teach these yoga styles, Who teaches Ashtanga, What teaches Iyengar, I Don't Know teaches Jivamukti...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I said Who teaches Ashtanga, What teaches Iyengar, I Don't Know teaches Jivamukti..

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna takes classes there too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the teachers' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who teaches Ashtanga?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the teacher's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The Ashtanga teacher.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The Ashtangi.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The teacher teaching...

Abbott: Who teaches Ashtanga!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who teaches Ashtanga.

Abbott: That's the teacher’s name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you got a teacher teaching Ashtanga?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's teaching Ashtanga?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay the Ashtanga teacher, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the teacher's name who teaches Ashtanga.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The person that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Whose wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the Ashtanga teacher, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name that teaches Ashtanga.

Abbott: No. What teaches Iyengar.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's teaches Iyengar.

Abbott: Who's teaches Ashtanga.

Costello: One style at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the teachers around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy ?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name that teaches Ashtanga?

Abbott: No. What teaches Iyengar.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's teaches Iyengar.

Abbott: Who's teaches Ashtanga.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's teaches Jivamukti, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get to Jivamukti

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the Jivamukti teacher’s name, who did I say is teaching Jivamukti?

Abbott: No. Who teaches Ashtanga.

Costello: What teaches Ashtanga?

Abbott: What teaches Iyengar.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He teaches Jivamukti.

Costello: There I go, back to Jivamukti again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on Jivamukti and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's teaching Jivamukti?

Abbott: Why do you insist on having Who teach Jivamukti?

Costello: What am I saying teaches Jivamukti.

Abbott: No. What teaches Iyengar.

Costello: You don't want who teaching Iyengar?

Abbott: Who teacher Ashtanga.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Jivamukti!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you know about Anusara?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The teachers name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's teaches Anusara.

Abbott: Who's teaches Ashtanga.

Costello: I want to know what's the guy's name who teaches Anusara?

Abbott: No, What teaches Iyengar.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's teaches Iyengar.

Abbott: Who's teaches Ashtanga!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Jivamukti!

PAUSE

Costello: The Anusara’s teachers name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he teaches Vinyasa.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You got someone teaching Kirpalu yoga in this studio?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The teacher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who teaches Kirpalu yoga?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not teaching Kirpalu.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who teaches Ashtanga! I want to know what's the name of the teacher that teaches Kirpalu yoga?

Abbott: What teaches Iyengar.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Jivamukti!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a Kundalini teacher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The Kundalini teacher’s name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow teaches Kirpalu.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days in the yoga studio.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I’m a yoga student.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get on my mat and do some fancy asanas, Tomorrow's teaching my class and another student has trouble with Pincha Mayurasana Vrischikasana ‏ . When he asks for help, he asks who for help?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to ask for help.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who gives help?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I ask for help with a asana, somebody's gotta help me. Now who does?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I ask for help with a asana and ask Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you ask Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I ask for help from Naturally.

Abbott: You ask for help from Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I ask for help from who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You ask for help from Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I ask for help from who. Whoever is there, they help with the asana. Who can’t help with the asana so he asks What. What can’t help so he asks I Don't Know. I Don't Know can’t help so he asks Tomorrow. Another student asks for help with an asana and since no one seems to know how to help, he asks Because. Why? I don't know! He teaches Vinyasa and I don't give a damn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a damn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our Pilates teacher.

 


 

 

 

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