Yoga Q & A
YogaDawg receives many inquiries regarding Yoga. As the Yoga public continues to discover this amazing Yogic Guide, there has been a tendency for beginner Yogis to asked questions about Yoga that are not contained in the Guide. To address this need, Guru YogaDawg has added this Q & A section. It is hoped that this will contribute to your further understanding of Yoga.
Q: Will Yoga turn me into a hippie? - From John S.
YogaDawg: As there haven’t been any hippies around for at least 30 years, that is not possible. On the other hand, you might find yourself wandering your neighborhood naked, looking like a sadhu covered with the ashes of the dead. This might disturb the neighbors as much as the hippies did.
Q: Will I become possessed by demons or serpents if I do Yoga? - From Ana B.
YogaDawg: Only if you are a member of a Fundamentalist religious cult, a Zombie or a member of a right-wing political group.
Q: I have found myself buying great amounts of Yoga mats when I am at the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore. I have had to get rid of most of my husband’s clothes to make room for all of them. He is starting to notice his stuff is missing as I make more room in his closet for my mats. How can I continue to buy more mats and not piss off my husband? - From Cindy L.
YogaDawg: Buying mats from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore is not a problem. On the other hand, we suggest that you convince your husband to install the Yoga Supercloset, available at the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore to make room for more of your mats. This might still piss him off, but not as bad as finding his clothes in boxes on the curb.
Q: I notice that lots the women are wearing thonged Yoga shorts from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore in my Yoga class. This is getting me hot. What can I do stay cool during class? - From Baron B.
YogaDawg: Concentrate on your Third Eye. By the way, can you email me the address of that studio where you are having this problem?
Q: I have been doing Yoga for many years and now have a Yoga butt. I also have a husband who is a fat slob and who now totally repulses me. How can Yoga help me with this? - From Colleen S.
YogaDawg: Send me a picture of yourself so I can ponder an answer for you. Are you close to the Hamptons by any chance?
Q: I am a fat slob and my wife has a tight Yoga butt. I am finding credit card receipts from a Yoga studio and hotel in the Hamptons. I think she is cheating on me. How can Yoga help me? - From Fred S.
YogaDawg: Humm. I suggest you just breathe and watch more TV.
Q: I’m a Yoga Star and since moving to the Hamptons after leaving my wife, I have been losing all my EternallyBlissfulYoga Magazine endorsements. This is causing a serious drop in my income. Also, I am noticing lot of credit card receipts from a hotel in the Hamptons. I think my girlfriend is cheating on me. How can Yoga help me with this? - Name withheld by request
YogaDawg: Trust Karma.
Q: I do Yoga in the Nerd style and I have fallen in love with a Yogini from the Jock School. What can I do to have her notice me? - From BKS.
YogaDawg: You will need to make animal sacrifices, leaving the bloody remains at her feet. Grunting a lot in her presence will also help you to get noticed by her.
Q: I have been doing Yoga for several years now and people say I am as shallow and trite as ever. Since I love lip gloss and shopping for Yoga stuff at the GreatTranscendentalYoga Superstore, I don’t think that makes me shallow and trite. In fact, I just bought a pink yoga mat because everyone at my studio has a lavender one. I mean, like hello, how can anyone possibly think I’m shallow. Do you think I am trite and shallow? Do you think my Lavender chakra is out of balance? From Kimberly W.
YogaDawg: Yes and yes.
Q: I am a famous star that has starred in movies and music videos making believe I do Yoga. As my fans are getting tired of this routine, is there anything in the ancient Yoga texts that will tell me what to do next? From M.
YogaDawg: Probably not. My suggestion would be to try Kabala or try working a crucifixion into your act. Good luck on your journey.
Q: I’m a lawyer representing Yoga Stars, the Coalition of Yoga Bloggers, the U.S. Product Safety Board and the country of India in a class action suit against you. I have been trying to get in touch with you but cannot as the address, email and phone numbers on this web site are bogus. Even though we were able to connect to your off-shore order and customer care, we were at a lose as they only spoke Mandarin. Be assured that we will find you. When we do we will move quickly to prosecute you for slander and other misconduct against my clients.
NOTE: This Q&A is temporarily down due to technical difficulties.
YogaDawg Speaks
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What would Buddha read? 
