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YogaDawg's Yoga Club

 

MEMBERSHIP INCLUDES:

  • 12 week course designed for all levels of yoga shoppers
  • 9 hour-long videos of great yoga fashion tips
  • 60 printable yoga catalogs containing the latest in trendy yoga gear and stuff
  • Over 60 hours of audio content with subliminal content urging you to buy expensive yoga workshops and cnferences
  • Blogs and forums to post thoughts, shopping experiences and questions
  • And much more!

At the beginning of each week, MadDawg and his lovely wife HotDawg (the two disciples of YogaDawg) introduce you to a special category of yoga shopping with modifications for different levels. Each week’s podcasts focus on refining the yoga principles described below. Throughout the program, MadDawg and HotDawg and other Yoga Club members support you through online chats, blogs and community message boards.

 

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

  • Week 1 – Picking trendy yoga clothing
  • Week 2 – Shopping the GreatTranscendentalYoga Super Store (includes application for the EternallyBlissfulAbundence credit card)
  • Week 3 – Hiding your yoga weirdness from non-yogis along with tips for acting normal outside the yoga studio
  • Week 4 – Avoiding yoga deprogramming by family and friends
  • Week 5 – Developing yogatude
  • Week 6 – Preventing squirrels from stealing your tomatoes (Opps, don't know how that lesson got in there. This belongs to the “Methods and techniques of removing all wildlife from stealing your tomatoes within a kill zone of 5 square miles of your tomato plants”). Nonetheless, many yogis have found this very useful in their yoga practice.
  • Week 7 – Creative financing for attending yoga workshops
  • Week 8 – Advanced techniques of financing for attending yoga conferences
  • Week 9 – An exciting history of yoga stars, their hot yoga life-styles and what they currently are pushing for you to buy.
  • Week 10 – Corpse pose

Invest in your yoga future for only $555/week (see terms and conditions)

 

 

YOGADAWG YOGA CLUB FAQ:

Q. Are there any risks associated with yoga?

A. Unfortunately yes; people do get hurt. To cite just one example: a man, let’s calls him Rodney*, was a yoga teacher who was married, who one day taught a yoga class at a yoga conference along with another yoga teacher who was also married, let’s call her Colleen*. Well before you know it, they were, how do you say it, ahum…, getting it on and both ended up divorcing their spouses and leaving their children bewildered and sad. So, there is always the danger of hurting people who love you if you are not careful doing yoga.

* These are fictitious names used only for dramatic effect.

 

Q. What a frightful cautionary tale.

A. Yes, so be cautious where you direct you attention if you happen to be in a class with a lot of yoga hotties doing down dogs or happy baby poses in front of you.

 

Q. How should I choose a yoga studio?

A. Well, that’s all explained in the material when you sign up for the Yoga Club, but in general, you might want to pick one with the slickest website since they all promise and promote the same thing.

 

Q. What about the studio whose website show lots of crazy stuff like molybdomancy, aura balancing, trepanation, crop circle interpretation, alien abductees counseling, snake handling, etc?

A. Then it is an excellent studio, although don’t be surprised if the yoga teacher asks you to help assist in an emergency chakra transplant.

 

Q. There are so many styles of yoga, how do I choose one?

A. Well, it quite easy actually. You could, for example, take Iyengar yoga and be in a class with a bunch of old geezers who will wheeze and cough themselves silly while the teacher tries to get them into a pose. There will be lots of bones cracking and it will take forever to get them set up in a pose with all the props they will need. You might end up doing only two poses for the entire class.

On the other hand you could take an Ashtanga yoga class where there will be lots of hot and sweaty, half naked bodies who will swoon in ecstasy as they move into various tantric orgasmic poses, loudly moaning with hot ujjaya breathing as they union with the naked godhead in transcendental bliss….

 

Q. Wow YogaDawg, that description of Ashtanga yoga really got me horny. Is it okay to date women in a yoga class?

A. That would be very unyogic. Women are not in yoga class to be bothered with men trying to get dates with them. They are there to yoke (the English meaning of yoga). Besides, women think men who do yoga are either weird or gay.

 

Q. So I guess I am out of luck there?

A. Now, now, no need to get so negative. That’s only true if you are a student. However, if you were a yoga teacher, then the women in the class will not think you are weird or gay. There will be a great possibility that they will date you because women think being a yoga teacher is kind of hot.

 

Q. Really? How do I become a yoga teacher?

A. Well, you are in luck. All you have to do is sign up for the supplemental Yoga Club teacher training course that is offered to all students after the 12 week program. This is a bargain at $7,989 for the complete 2 week course.

 

Q. Man, that’s a lot of money YogaDawg!

A. Are you going negative on me again? Yogadawg hates it when student go negative on him. Think man, do you have parents who have dementia whose retirement accounts you can bilk? How about a senile old aunt? Do you have a 401k that you can plunder? Does your girlfriend have one that you can pilfer from? How about selling your house? Don’t let your negative thinking get in the way of getting dates, um, I mean, missing out on becoming a yoga teacher!

 

Q. Yeah, you’re right, I can’t wait to sign up. Does this mean that I will be able to date hot yoga teacher babes also.

A. Unfortunately no. That will only be possible if you are a yoga star. See YogaDawgs special course “How to become a yoga star”.

 

Q. Hey YogaDawg, I have one last question. Why was the word ‘yoga’ chosen for the practice? It sounds so goofy.

A. Because 'pilates' was already taken.

 

 

HOW THE YOGADAWG YOGA CLUB WORKS:

When you become a Yogadawg Yoga Club member, you have immediate access to instruction from MadDawg and HotDawg, specially designed to help you develop your own yoga practice!

AS A MEMBER, YOU WILL:

  • Start each week with an online catalog showing you the latest in yoga stuff from the GreatTranscendentalYoga Super Store along with aisle by aisle descriptions and strategic buying tips.
  • Dive deeper into the week’s shopping through downloadable product description podcasts and videos
  • Learn new versions (from beginner to advanced) of Corpse pose
  • Check in with MadDawg and HotDawg via online chats with questions about your shopping or a particular piece of yoga merchandise
  • Create a profile and join teams to add a sense of shopping community to your YogaDawg Yoga Club experience
  • Use all of these tools to further your personal yoga shopping development and even starting a specialized home shopping practice today! (Included is the online account application to the GreatTranscendentalYoga Super Store so you won’t even have to leave your home to shop for yoga stuff)

 

 

TERMS AND CONDITIONS:

Buyer’s right to cancellation:

YOU MAY NOT CANCEL THIS CONTRACT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. You may not cancel this contract even under doctor’s order or you cannot physically receive the services because of significant physical disability. If you die, your estate will be responsible for payment under the contract. If your estate has no money, then your immediate family will be responsible for paying the monthly fee. If you try a sneaky move by such as moving out of the area with no forwarding address, our trained investigation department will hunt you down like a upward dog. If the services of the studio cease to be offered as stated in the contract, tough luck.

 

Member’s Health Warranty

Member assumes full responsibility for his or her use of the material and shall indemnify YogaDawg, against any and all liability arising out of use of the materials. Member understands that certain yoga lessons may make no sense at all and may impose extra physical demands on Member over and above those physical demands such as running after squirrels while making funny noises.

 

Loaning yoga club material to non-members

Under no circumstances shall the material be loaned or shared with any non-members of the yoga club. Member is advised herein that each podcast and video has a special algorithm built in thati, if loaned to a non-member, it will shred their brains into chopped liver.

 

Bad checks

Don’t even think about this. If any check payable to the YogaDawg Yoga Club is not honored, Management will: (a) send its crack team of enforcers to your home or business and perform the following:

First offense: Broken finger

Second offense: Broken arm

Third offense: Two broken legs

Fourth offense: You don’t really want to know.

 

 

Yoga Club

 

 

Yoga Book

 

 

Your site is pretty funny...am wondering of course how I might fare when the dawg sets his sights on kirtan singers. - Dave Stringer

Your web site is brilliant. Thank you, thank you, thank you... - Vanda Mikoloski (Quantum Comedienne)

Your site is like a yoga tonic with a welcome twist of humor. Yippeeee! - Jill Miller

 

 


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